Family Court

Here comes a completely new experience, going to Family Court! Well yes, I had glanced at the court scenes on TV in the afternoon, listened with amusement to outraged voices blaming each other and a Judge trying to straighten out the mess. It happened that I got involved into a very unhappy situation of a dear friend of mine, who trusted me and related to me her mishap. She had happened to have made the mistake by inviting somebody to live with her for a while. This person had been evicted from his apartment and looked now for a new place of residence. So he moved in and did not wish to move out again! He did not want to participate in the rent and other common expenses for living and this and other things started a terrible home situation. I guess there were some good times also but most of the times things got worse especially when heavy drinking on his part was involved. Unfortunately he just could not be persuaded to leave again this cozy free spot.  I am sure there was lots of verbal abuse and matters got worse by the day until the first incident of physical abuse occurred. The desperate person confided in me and I told her to call me anytime when she thinks that she might need help with calling the police to force  him to move out. And sure enough this call came soon enough; she called the police and filed a report. He was incarcerated with a bail of $200. It was 2:30 pm when we finally left the precinct — a very busy place at night! A report needed to be filed about physical abuse, a judge needed to be called to grant a temporary restraining order, and a court date was set — oh boy, we were tired but relieved. All the while you sit there and cannot avoid listening to other ongoing family disputes. A few days later the boyfriend was was released and immediately showed up at her door again: he suddenly wanted to marry her, he pleaded  with her and begged her over and over. Not to my surprise when we went to court she withdrew the restraining order and this is what many other women do also. He proceeded then to Rehab until his money ran out, soon enough, and finally he came back and moved in again. The situation would have ended differently if he had money to continue Rehab, but he was thrown off in the middle of the program and left to his own vices.  Life goes on.

Not long after this, the old story repeated, but much worse this time with heavier abuse, more tears, more shouting, Women are in disadvantage here definitely!  She just had a laser operation and bingo his fist went into her eye. She was cornered, threatened with a chair, was terribly afraid for her life, a monitor was smashed, the face was punched in and no doubt the drinking had started again. She was not allowed to call the police, but somebody from the outside did so fortunately. Again, my "experienced" friend went to the precinct and wrote her report, her bleeding and swollen face was photographed this time, and she talked with the Judge to obtain a temporary Restraining Order again. It was granted. He went right to a cell and revolted and screamed, we were told. Fortunately this time there was more determination on my friend's part to finally extract him from her life. Same precinct procedure at the police precinct again, with reports and contacting the judge. A  date for Family Court was set to finalize the Restraining Order. Now my friend is hard and of hearing and was unable to understand the Judge at the court session a few days later. Hs definitely had a whispery voice and the trial was postponed to another day with equipment for hearing enhancement available.

It was a pretty frustrating time for her until the time of her  next court date. He bothered  her day in and day out with many phone calls, begged her to forgive, asked her over and over to patch things up, or he just showed up at her door steps — of course all of this violates the temporary Restraining Order completely. Anyway, finally the day had arrived for another court appearance. Before being allowed into the court room, the "victims" sit in the "Victim's Room". Ushered finally into the court room, you listen to various sad stories, oh boy, some sad stories! A 74 year old grandmother who raised her grandson and who assaulted her. The grandson was brought in handcuffed. A woman whose child has disappeared and she was threatened daily with  messages from relatives. Some people brought their lawyer which is definitely a smart thing to do. There even was a male "victim"! Many women decided to lift the Restraining Order and to take the "violator" back. This time my friend got a headset to enable her to understand the Judge better and "our" case went with relative ease.  She was sworn in, pleaded her case in her words, and the Judge asked him whether he had  any objection or counter arguments."No" he said and the final Restraining Order was granted. What a relief, no more phoning, no more messaging, no showing up at her steps and I was happy for her. She is able to breath more easily. He got fingerprinted (I don't know why), has to pay $200 and was told very specifically not to approach her ever again. Vow, did he mess up his life, and all this is due to alcohol. A very gifted person in certain ways but impossible and selfish and unhappy and addicted. There is empathy towards him on my side, but not enough to ever talk to him again, see him, or help him ever.

I have always worked with lawyers at the newspaper, and I found a deep general respect for a Judge — "Your Honor", "Judge", and a general kissing of the ground where he steps. But thank you no, to be a Judge for Family court and listen to these non-stop disputes day in, day out, t must be horrible and boring and there is very little to admire. No wonder this Judge only whispered!